Saturday, June 21, 2008

The Art of Endo-ing (or Tae Kwen-Doh!)

After yet another ENDO during last Saturday's ride, it seems I have become an expert on the matter, and I thought I might share my vast wealth of newfound knowledge...

FIRST:
You need a bike to endo. No bike? No endo. Easy as that. Other recommended gear would be a good helmet and a pair of gloves. Now this may seem to be common knowledge, but you'd be surprised...

SECOND:
It helps if you are going downhill at crazy speeds. As I have discovered, however, endo-ing is not limited to downhill riding or speeds for that matter. Oh yes, you can endo in creek beds, on a flat trail and if you're really lucky, you can even endo going uphill as well (requires much skill and concentration).


THIRD:
How to endo. Look for a big rock and head straight for it! This one works every time. You may be tempted to steer out of the way of the giant rock as a means of self-preservation, but if you really want to be a master of Tae-Kwen-Doh like myself, you must press forward and let your front tire smash right into it, thus allowing your head and the rest of your body to follow you right over the handlebars.

Click HERE for a video demonstration


If you can't locate a big rock, little rocks that poke up out of the ground work too (trust me on this one). Also, creek beds just after a fresh rainstorm tend to collect a soft layer of gravel and sand. Plant your front tire into the soft layer of sand (fast or slow, it really doesn't mater), and over the handlebars you'll go!!

FOURTH:
When to endo.
4 out of 5 Endo-ologists agree that one should endo either at the beginning or the end of your route, thus being closer to your ride to the hospital or ER. It is not recommended to endo in the middle of your 11.5-mile ride. Either way you look at it, you have a 6-mile ride out awaiting you, and there's a good chance your bike may not be functioning properly or worse yet, you could be injured (or both...yes, it's true).

FIFTH
: How far do you want to travel? Generally SPEED is the answer here. The faster you go, the further your body will travel before pummeling into the treacherous terrain that awaits you. If you are going slower, you can sometimes go higher in the air with a good chance of coming back down on your bike. I've found it best to endo at medium speeds, myself.

SIXTH:
Avoiding injury. Now here is truly the ART of endo-ing, and the final step. Generally, it would be bad to fall onto a rock. Rocks are very hard, rough and sometimes jagged, which can cause blunt trauma, lacerations and just good old-fashioned pain. It especially hurts if the inside of your left knee lands directly on the blasted rock that caused the whole thing in the first place leaving behind a variety of gashes and scrapes.


And if you choose the soft-sand-creek-bed technique, you may want to carefully study the area in which you will be falling into before taking the plunge. It may look soft and sandy, but just like that girl you dated in high school
(you know the one), looks can be deceiving. Let's pretend you forget this simple step, and just for the heck of it, let's just say there it a mixture of moist dirt, dried grass and a nice batch of cholla cactus needles right where you will land...

I think it's safe to assume that you will be screaming a couple of words that you haven't said in a long while, scaring away potential wildlife sightings. Not to mention the precious time you'll be wasting removing each of the cholla cactus needles before resuming your exercise.


One last thing.
If you desire to be master of endo like me, be sure to practice with good friends who will help should the endo experience not go as planned. Then once you are feeling better, they are usually good for laughing at you and making jokes at your expense. This is OK though, because there will surely come a day when they will experience the endo, just like you (and me).


Any other endo techniques and comments are of course welcomed. Please share if you have some additional knowledge you can give.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Wow, you guys are awesome. I wish I had your stamina and endurance. Loved the slideshow.

Mike Bellows said...

Someones been busy. The video rocks. The logo is awesome. Now we're cooking with gas. Good job Spencer.

Madness Adventure Racing said...

I pretty much did absolutely zero of my freelance work the past week or so ...all for the greater Madness good! Glad you enjoyed it.